Powerful emotions
by Bookishmcbadass
Summary: Liz and Red are on the run. Things happen and tension is created. Emotions take over and both of them have absolutely no idea what to do with them. Eventual smut and hopefully a good story.
1. Chapter 1 & 2

okay guys, so this is my very first fanfic ever. I'm very fond of the lizzington ship and I have read tons of brilliant fanfics. My native language is dutch, so please forgive me if I made some mistakes...

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Chapter 1

The silence was killing her.

It was killing her ability to breathe, to move. Liz thought she could handle Red ignoring her, but as it turns out she could not. She thought she got to know him pretty well after being on the run with him for over month now. But of course she didn't. He was Raymond 'Red' Reddington after all, the Concierge of Crime. But even so, it was disappointing to feel their connection take a beating. They had survived five weeks together. Day after day they talked, shared meals and killed time on his jet on their way to their newest safehouse. He had been kind and understanding. Telling her about his first time on the run and how difficult it could be. But she knew that she destroyed whatever bond that was beginning to form between them. And knowing that it was her fault was making it so much worse.

Lizzie had no idea where they were going, but she couldn't care less. She was exhausted. And deep down she knew Red would not jeopardize her safety. It was dark outside and there were no street lanterns lightning the dark road. But Dembe was an excellent driver. Red's bodyguard had a soft spot for her, she knew. And Liz herself returned that feeling, having been saved on several occasions by this quiet man. But the disappointment his eyes carried when he was looking at her these last few days, was making her feel guilty. Lizzie inhaled sharply when she felt a hand palming her shoulder. She looked over and saw Dembe holding the door. She looked over to Red's seat only to see that he already left the car. She sighed. Quickly she took Dembe's hand and stepped outside. Liz heard the door close and watched for a minute how Dembe got their luggage out of the car. She knew she should follow him into the house but chose to wait and breathe in the fresh air. All she could smell was trees. Lizzie promised herself she would go out and explore their surroundings in the morning. But first she wanted a shower.

She walked onto the stairs leading to the small wooden cottage. Liz closed the door behind her but on her way to the living room she grew still. Red was yelling. "How am I supposed to do that, Dembe?! I told you I wanted it set up separately, and this is not separate." Liz frowned. She never once heard him yell, not to his enemies or her colleagues and certainly not to Dembe. "Raymond, be rational brother. This is all they could offer in such a short timespan, you should be thankful." Liz couldn't see Reddington's face but imagined he gave Dembe the look. The look she's been receiving all week. The look he gives people when he thinks their being insufferable. "Thankful? Really my friend, I think you understand where I'm coming from. How am I supposed to share a bed with the woman when I can't even look her in the eye?" Lizzie swallowed and quietly collapsed against the wall. It was painful to hear him say those things. Her tears were threatening to spill over her cheeks but she shook her head to will them away. She wasn't allowed to cry not when she did this to herself. Liz took a deep breath and entered the room. Red was standing by the window and didn't seem to register her presence. She shared a look with Dembe who smiled sadly at her.

Lizzie bit her lip and then said: " I'm not going to keep apologizing, Red. I already said I was sorry and I won't force you to sleep next to me." Red looked surprized and a little alarmed but she ignored him. She reached for her luggage and began searching for her nightgown. "I'll take the couch." Red opened his mouth and for a minute Lizzie thought she saw something what looks like disappointment flash over his face. But she wasn't sure. "You can use the bathroom first then." He left before she could say anything else.

Chapter 2

The bathroom is small but the water is warmer than she expected. The hot water was freeing her emotions and forcing her to relax. Tears were streaming down her face and she let them. It felt good to let go. But when she emerged from the bathroom she heard Red coming up the stairs. He stopped at the top of the stairs, his eyes widened briefly at the sight of her in just her nightgown. Liz felt a blush coming up to cover her face.

"There has been a change of plans, agent Scot. Something went down with my business in Lisbon. I'm leaving in the morning." His words hit her with a force that blew all the air out of her lungs. "Wh-What?" She shook her head, not understanding what she just heard. But Red stayed silent. "What?" She asked again. "I'll sent someone to keep you company while we're spilt up. I'll see you in two weeks." Red didn't even look at her. He turned and walked away. But Lizzie was quik to follow and began to yell at him. "absolutely not. If you think for a second that you can just run away when things get hard, your mistaken!" She moved around the room, picking up her clothes and toiletries and threw them back in the case. Red was still talking to her, explaining that there was no way she could come with him. "I'm coming with you." Suddenly, she's pushed against the door. They're touching from head to toe and Lizzie can feel the anger radiating from his body. "I said no, Lizzie," Red growled. "I don't want you with me."

The intensity of his gaze causing goosebumps in her neck. Liz swallowed. "I'm sorry," she said breathless. Gosh, his proximity was distracting her. Liz could feel his breath against her ear and they were touching in all the right places. She mentally shook herself, but still all she could think about was kissing those soft lips. How would he taste? Would he kiss like the way he dressed? As a gentleman? Or would he just take whatever he wanted and dominate his way into her mouth. Lizzie shivered. Red's grip tightened and he looked into her eyes. There was a smirk forming on his face but that did stop Liz from wanting to kiss him. She bit her lip. "What are you thinking about Lizzie?" Red spoke in deep, hoarse voice. Lizzie desperately shook her head. "N-Nothing. There's nothing you can say to me that will make me want to stay here. Alone." She tried to pull away but he just leaned in and put more of his weight against her. Her gaze wandered to his lips. Only to close after seeing them. When she opened them again she said fiercely:"Nothing has changed, the answer is still no even when that means that I have to- His lips closed over hers before she wass finished speaking. His hands were all over her body. He bit her bottom lip and made his way into his mouth, exploring the depths she had to offer. And she was feeling. For the first time since she shot O'connely, she felt something other than fear. There was a fire burning in her belly and she heard someone moan. It took a minute to realise that she was the one doing the moaning. It felt like he was everywhere at once. Feeling her up, touching her nipples and squeezing her ass.

But as fast as it had begun, just as fast he disappeared. Lizzie was still breathing hard and her eyes were still closed. "If you're in danger call Dembe, he is your emergency contact." Her eyes flew open and she stared at him in disbelief. Her legs were shaking. Red grinned devilishly at her, pinched her nipple and blew her a sickining kiss. "Be safe." Her legs gave out. Trembling hard she stayed where she was until she heard the door slam. He was gone. "Sick bastard!" She yelled and ran down the stairs into the dark. It had begin to rain. The wind was howling through the trees but she didn't notice the storm. Red was getting into the black car in which they arrived at the cabin earlier that day. "Red!" She cried. "Red please! Please don't leave me alone!" She knew it was no use. He was gone. He could not hear her anymore. Shaking and completely soaked, she went back inside. She stripped, got under the covers of the bed now only for her use and curled up underneat the sheets. What the hell was she going to do now?


	2. Chapter 3 & 4

Liz woke the following morning to see that the weather had cleared. The sun was shining and a thought occurred to her. It would have been brilliant waking up with Red beside her on such a beautiful morning. She felt miserable. When he had kissed her last night she was sure that he would let her come with him to Lisbon. The fact that he used such an intimate act when she was feeling fragile, said a lot about his personality. But liz shook her head. What he did was horrible of course but she hadn't been angelic either. Red only had one rule during those weeks on the run together. He had used his stern voice when he had told that she was not allowed to leave whatever property they were on alone. Red himself or Dembe was to go with her at all times. And she failed to obey that one rule. Shame coloured her cheeks. Tears welled up and she threw her head hard against the wall. She deserved the pain. She made Red angry and sad. And now he fled their safehouse in order to get away from her. What if something happened to him while he was out there? She would never forgive herself for having done that.

She yelped when she felt a hand, yet again grabbing her shoulder. She didn't look up to see who was touching her. This was not Red's baritone voice. She deserved pain and misery. "Miss Liz?" Lizzie recognised the voice but didn't really register to who the voice belonged to. She didn't care anymore. "Liz! Stop it! You'll hurt yourself, if you keep going like this." Looking up this time she saw Dembe's face.

"Wh-what the hell?! Why are you… I mean is Red…?" Liz stuttered. Her head went crazy. "Is he..?" She sounded hopeful. But Dembe interrupted he before she could finish. "No miss Liz, he's not back. He won't come back until he's ready." He let her go. Tears were welling up in her eyes again. "I fucked it up, didn't I Dembe?" He didn't answer her but she saw the way he looked at her. It was no longer the disappointment so much as the pity which was rolling of off him. Liz sobbed. She sat on the edge of the bed and cried. Her breathing harsh and panicked.

Dembe had left the room in order to turn on the water. He picked Lizzie up and carried her to bathroom. He lowered her into the bathtub. Liz let it happen. Never had she imagined that interaction with the number four of the FBI most wanted list, could end up like this. Dembe handed her a cloth and some soap and Liz desperately tried to scrub Red's touch from her body. She felt assaulted. Which was crazy since she kissed him back. Fear was clawing at her heart. She had feelings for him. Feelings for the concierge of crime. How was it possible that Red had seen that awful thruth before she could recognise this for herself? He played her. Used her. As if she was no more than ordinary. Her thoughts were spinning out of control and she knew she had to answer Dembe's questions as to why she was bleeding. He could figure it out himself. She was done talking. Done living. Because Red was angry with her and left her without thinking twice about what it would do to her.

Dembe had rushed upstairs when the first sounds he heard were her screams. She had been yelling for Red. She hadn't seen him enter and ignored his first attempts at keeping her from hurting herself. It took him a while to get her to calm down. Blood was dripping from her hair but she didn't seem to care. Her eyes were screwed shut and she was still mumbling to herself. She asked him questions and he knew she wouldn't like his answers. "No miss Liz, he's not back. He won't come back until he's ready."

He saw the tears welling up again and sighed. Silly girl, angering red like that. What had she been thinking? He still didn't know why she left on her own that night. Raymond didn't want to tell him at the time and Dembe knew it was wiser to wait for Red to come and tell him himself. While he left lizzie's bedroom to draw her a bath he remembered finding his friend cuffed to his bed. Still fully clothed but seeding with anger. Dembe shivered. That had not been a pretty sight. That night Red had orderd him around like puppy but he did as he was asked, knowing his brother was in pain and not handling this kind of stress. He knew Raymond cared for lizzie in his own twisted way. The thought of losing Lizzie had been terrifying to him. It had taken his security team 31 hours to find miss Liz. She was in good health and Dembe had thought Red would have been relieved to see her. But he couldn't have been more wrong. Apparently Red had more information than he led on and they had yelled to eachother that night. All night long. He had excused himself as soon as possible not wanting to invade his friends privacy. But after that night he hadn't spoken to miss Liz at all. He ignored her for days and Dembe had seen how hard miss Liz had found it not being able to talk to him. That had been 6 days ago. Last night Raymond had yelled at him for not being prepared enough and soon after he was told to bring his friend to the airstrip where his jet would await him. When he saw that miss Liz was not going with them he had asked Red what happened. But the only answer he had received was:" I would like you to go back after dropping me off at the airstrip and guard Agente Scot." And with that business was done.

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Thank you for reading again! And taking the time to comment, I loved reading that as the rookie that I am.

Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing this. Let me know what you think?

Xoxo


	3. Chapter 5

WARNING

SELFHARM IS IN THIS CHAPTER

do not read if you're not able to handle that kind of story. Hope you're still interested though. XX

Liz was sleeping upstairs. Again. It seemed that sleeping was all she did nowadays. It had taken Dembe a while to clean her up that night. She had nasty head injury from banging her head against the wall, again and again. He had helped her bathe and stitched her up. She had been very cooperative. So much so that it was scaring him. Dembe had asked her several questions and she didn't answer a single one. She had been sitting there with glassy eyes, mumbling something he couldn't possibly understand. So after a while he decided that asking miss Liz more questions wouldn't tell him what he needed to know. Dembe was worried. Really worried. He liked miss Liz. He liked her courage. She was one of the few women, or actually, one of the few people in general that was able to stand up to him. She was a smart woman and brilliant in her field. It made him sad to see that strong young woman crumble. She changed so much these past three days. Dembe climbed the stairs and knocked on her door. "Miss Liz? Are you awake?"

No answer. He knocked again and directly after he entered the room. Dembe was surprised to see that she was already awake and showered. Liz stood in front of her closet but was now staring out the window. Seemingly deep in thought. "Miss Liz, I know you'd rather not have me do this, but I really need to check those stitches." She turned around then and looked Dembe firmly in the eye. "That's fine, but is it okay if I dress first?" He nodded. "Of course miss Liz, I'll wait in the kitchen." He smiled at her and went for the door, but was stopped by her voice. "Oh and Dembe?" He sent her a questioning look over his shoulder. "Please call me Liz. I think we've been through enough for you to call me by my first name." He grinned. Liz seemed definitely more herself today.

Dembe removed her stitches and together they ate the lunch he prepared for the of them. Liz was feeling better. She had a plan now. A plan for which she needed to snatch Dembe's burnerphone. And while dembe was washing their dishes she got her chance. Quickly she went through his bag and found what she was looking for. She ran upstairs and dialled Red's number. She walked across her room several times before he answered. "Dembe?" He sounded breathless but before either of them could say anything else she heard someone giggle. It was a high-pitched sound. A woman. "You really need to work on your timing Dembe, we're kind of busy here." Liz recognised the voice immediately. Madeline Pratt. She also was out of breath. Liz heard Red's rumbling laugh coming through the phone and knew that he had taken over the horn. "Yes Dembe, what can I do for you my friend?"

Liz smiled to herself. The warmth that voice spread through her body was a very welcome feeling. She took a deep breath and said: "Red, it's me." She held her breath and waited for his response. Even through the phone she could feel the shift in his demeanour. He now sounded grave and he was probably still mad at her. "What can I do for you agent Keen." Lizzie winced but said: " Well ehm, I know you're busy and I don't want to keep you but-" She was cut off by his voice saying:" So why even try then?" " I needed to apologise. Again." She said softly. " I'm not interested in your apologies Elizabeth." He sounded cold. "What I want from you is to keep your mouth shut and just let me be. Goodb-" Liz took a sharp breath and said loudly: " No! Wait! Red, you need to listen for me." She was crying now. But Liz had a plan. A plan that would let her be free. And not only her but also Red. Red would be proud and happy. She walked to her balcony and kept talking to Red.

"All I'm saying now Red is that I understand. I understand that you're angry with me because I broke our rule. And I know that you're hurt because I slept with Tom. I know that. And I understand." She took another breath. Hoping that he would answer. But there was no sound other than his harsh breathing. " So Red, I want you to listen to me when I tell you for the last time that I'm sorry I hurt you. That was never my intention. When I need you the most you disappear. Every time. So I went to the one person I knew who wouldn't bail on me." She let out a wavering breath. And heard him do the exact same thing. She was sitting on the balustrade. "But Red, I understand now. It was just like he said. The world is a better place when I'm not there to hurt people. So promise me you take care of Madeline, the way you're supposed to. And be happy. I'm sorry I stood in the way of that." It sounded like something fell on the ground on Red's side of the line and he said: "Lizzie, no! You- No stop."But Liz only smiled. "Please tell Dembe I'm sorry." She dropped the phone then and jumped.

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Please let me know what you think. Is it too much?

I feel like Liz has this darker pain inside her and when she's not

recognised by Red, the love of her life, all will go to hell.

please comment :)


	4. Chapter 6

When Red finally arrived at the hospital he was terrified. Terrified and exhausted. He had been on a plane for the last 11 hours and he had been too scared to sleep during the flight. And the ride to the hospital. Dembe had been waiting for him at the airstrip and drove them back to New York's finest hospital. When he'd arrived he tried asking the nurses for more information but all they could him was that she was still in surgery and that it would take them a couple more hours before they could close her up. He asked if they knew what kind of injuries she had but the nurse had refused to answer. He was not considered family. He was not her father, brother or husband. So he had to wait until she came out of surgery. Dembe suggested to a safe house only 15 minutes away. But Red had refused to leave. Instead he ordered Dembe to tell him how bad her injuries were before they took her away by ambulance. "It was not a pretty sight Raymond. I don't think you need to know this, my friend." Dembe received a stern look and Red just stared at the man until he started talking again. With a deep sigh Dembe continued. " She jumped from her balcony. It was almost twelve feet high. Her limbs bend in strange corners and I think she hit the back of her head during her fall. I think she collided with the balustrade on the way down." He didn't look at Red but Dembe could feel the fear rolling off of him in waves. They didn't speak anymore after that but waited on the docters to come and get them. While they waited he instructed Dembe to get her private room.

It took another two and half hours before they came in. Red was frustrated and scared but he listened to the female surgeon now standing before him. "Miss Keen is coming back up now sir. You can see her in just a minute." She gave him a gentle smile. "But I would like to know what happened to my patient if you don't mind me asking. She suffered extensive internal bleeding and she fractured three ribs one of which punctured her lung." The doctor send him a questioning look. "Was she in a fight? I saw that her emergency contact was someone named Donald Ressler. He is supposed to be an FBI- Agent. Did this happen during a case?" Red looked at the docter and closed his eyes for a moment. "Sir?" He laughed. He couldn't stop it and he knew it was really inappropriate but he continued to laugh. "No docter, she wasn't in a fight and it certainly didn't happen during a case." He stopped laughing and slowly his expression turned into a sad one. "She jumped. Sh- We were on the phone.. and then she said some things and apologised and the she just…- She Jumped!" The doctor answered but Red didn't hear it. He knew and trusted his friend to handle the rest of the conversation. There she was. His lizzie was brought back in. But it was even worse than he expected. She was lying flat on her back. She was as white as a ghost and all those tubes coming out of her body. Red took a step towards the bed and his hand were hovering above her. He shivered when he took her hand in his. She was still a bit cold. He looked her up and down and closed his eyes to process what he saw. The bandage around her head was slowly turning red again and there were pins coming out of the casts around her limbs.

It would take her months to recover from this. And if he should believe the kind docter they were still not sure that she'll open her eyes anytime soon due to her head injury. He was tired. And the fear in his chest was now turning into anger. Why? Why would she do this to him? To herself? To her team? He just didn't understand. He knew he was partly to blame, but jumping? He never would have thought his Lizzie was the one to go for the easy way out. He was ashamed for her. If Sam would have been around he would have been so angry. Sam would've been angry at the both of them. And maybe he was right. Maybe the best way of keeping her safe was by leaving. For good this time. And with an explanation.

He asked Dembe for a pencil and some paper and started writing his goodbye.

Lizzie,

If you read this that means you have woken up. Something I'm very grateful for. I came in to see you in the hospital before you'd woken up and Lizzie, let me tell you, it was not a pretty sight. Not at all. I was scared, no scratch that. I was terrified. And angry. But I thought about what you said to me during our last conversation and I understand. I understand what you were trying to tell me. You were tired and sad. And you jumped. I always thought suicide was an escapemanner only the weak among us took on. But apparently I was wrong.

I thought about ways to protect you. I thought about bringing you with me, monitor your recovery and maybe there was a change for you to create another life. But that was a very selfish option. Selfish of me. Keeping you away from the life you already build for yourself. You were happy before you knew me and even though I know you'll be angry with me for leaving you, I know that was the right thing to do. A travelerslife in hiding is not the way you should spend the rest of your life. So sweetheart, I made a choice. The hardest one I had to make in all the time I've been walking this earth. I am walking away.

But Lizzie, just remember that you're a strong young woman. A very successful FBI-Agent, and one day you'll make an exceptional mother. I made sure that everything you'll need is around and once you get out of this private clinic I put you in for your safety, you'll find another identity and a life, created just for you. Go find yourself and be happy. Meanwhile I promise that I too will try to be happy. As you wanted me to.

-R-

Ps. I love you too.

The END

Gosh this was heartbreaking wasn't it.

I have loved writing this short story and reading your comments

Thank you so much for supporting me.

Now all I got to do is find something new to write about, though I think

It will be harder than I think…

Got some ideas? Please share or request. Cause I don't know..


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